My sheets look like a crime scene.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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