I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
