he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
