She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
