I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
