I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
