I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
