i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
