I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
