Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
