I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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