My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
