ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
