i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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