I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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