I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
