There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
false alarm. still invincible.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
