I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
