What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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