just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Randomize
