Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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