He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
