Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
