the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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