I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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