Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
