I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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