I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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