'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
