He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I did not marry a roomba.
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