I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
