No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
