I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just threw up on my dentist
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
