After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
did i walk over a car last night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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