I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
