Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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