Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
