Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
