i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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