My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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