There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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