I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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