See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
