Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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