I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
