How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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