It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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