Grow some girl-balls and come out already
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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