Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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