don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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