I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
