Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I deserve this hangover.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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