peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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