Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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