Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If that was your dad, he is hot
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
