pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
