is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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