i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
