You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
