But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
