we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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