can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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