im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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