I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
