Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
