After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
