walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
