Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
