If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
