in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
