how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
