If that was your dad, he is hot
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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