I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
