That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
