i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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