I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
