some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
