I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
