Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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