He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
