Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
