Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
