Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
