Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
