I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i have herpe
just one?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
