A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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