Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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