your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
