I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
