dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
